You have to put yours on first. Promise?

Southwest Airlines flight attendants are the best. Many of them have honed entire comedy routines to make the onboarding process more enjoyable. Plus, they always treat passengers like human beings. And they have cool zippers on their navy dresses that open up to reveal bright colors and make the thing looser. Genius. Anyway, I like watching these people work!

I was on a flight last week, settling into my seat and peeking around at the people seated near me, and of course admiring the zipper dresses. In front of me was a family with a 4 year-old girl and then baby twins. The parents were seated across the aisle from each other, each with a Baby Bjorn and a diaper bag and one happy baby.

As the flight attendant came down the aisle, she stopped to smile at the baby. I heard her say to the mom, “Now if we happen to need oxygen masks, I want you to remember to put yours on first.” (Classic, standard, yep, we’ve all heard it.) The mom nodded distractedly as she reached for something on the floor.

So the flight attendant stood there and waited a few moments. Then she said it again, in her friendly but very firm voice: “This is really important. You have to put yours on first. Promise?” The mom sort of straightened up and reflected for a second and then said yes.

Whoa. So much education happened right there in 30 seconds:

• Parenting 101

• Life 101

• Health 101

Basically, If you want to be there for the people you love, you must tend to yourself first.

It seems obvious to me now, but somehow this basic tenet escaped me for the first 40 years of my life. ???  It might have been a combination of Catholic martyr syndrome and early-onset motherhood (babies havin' babies), but I don’t think it never dawned on me that:

  a) I deserved to be really well taken care of

  b) it’s primarily *my* job to make sure that happens

  c) if I expect to have anything to offer anyone else, I need to make sure I’m resourced first.

I'm happy to say I finally learned this lesson!!! It's definitely changed my life, probably even saved my life. And now one of my passions is supporting women in taking exquisite care of themselves.

WHY IS SO HARD?

There's so much conditioning that keeps us (especially women, and I think even more so women of color) from accepting the very basic practical truth that we have to put on our own oxygen mask first. And I think outing these old "rules" is key to changing them for ourselves.

In prepping to teach a live group program in the fall, I've started taking inventory of the old “rules” of our conditioning that keep us from making our own care a priority.

So far I’ve got these below. I'd be curious to know if any of them resonate with you.

- Don’t be selfish.

- Think of others first.

- Men don’t like high-maintenance.

- A good mom sacrifices everything.

- You’ll be rewarded in heaven.

- Don’t take up too much space.

- There’s not enough to go around, so don’t take more than your share (of time, money, attention, rest, etc.)

- Strong women don’t need pampering.

- Don't be needy.

- Don't be greedy.

- There's too much to do, no time to really rest.

I'm sure there are a thousand more. What am I missing? Any you can think of that still haunt you? Or some that you've moved past?

Thanks!